Tank-Headed

[possibly inspired by real events]

“You need to dodge.”
“I’ll be fine, it’s nearly dead.”
“So are you. Dodge.”
“No.”
“You are deteriorating faster than I can heal you. Just dodge.”
“I suck at it!”
“You’re going to suck at surviving in a few seconds.”
“I can kill it first!”
“Why can you not use the other joystick to simply move out of the way??”
“That slows down my kill time. I can handle it.”
“Did you put any points into dexterity at all?”
“Of course not. I pumped it all into strength and constitution.”
“This could be why you’ve died five times more than I have.”
“I still level up. Once my stats are high enough I’ll be fine.”
“When you hear the word ‘tank’, do you not also picture a mobile armed attack unit?”
“Pretty sure your skills reset already, you wanna heal more and harp less?”
“No, I want to address the underlying player health issue here.”
“Really?”
“Dodge, or I will stop healing you.”
“Let me die and you’ll have no one to pull aggro.”
“Alas, if only I had a living, moving tank.”
“Fine, we’ll both die together.”
“I hear I will still level up.”
“Whatever.”
“Indeed.”
″...”
″...”
“Is there a block button? Maybe I can block.”
“You’re actively trying to provoke me now, right?”

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